“我没有朋友”，外国女孩的视频让无数网友共鸣：原来我不必再因孤独而羞耻
世纪君约 7 分钟“我没有朋友。”
22岁的特斯·拉万达近日在社交媒体平台发布了以此为标题的视频，引发了众多网友的共鸣。
刚从新西兰搬到伦敦的第二天，拉万达想出去喝一杯鸡尾酒，但独自出门让她浑身不自在。她拍下自己化妆的画面，并在Vlog（视频日记）里坦白了内心的窘迫。她原本没打算把视频发出去，但回看后觉得这段内容或许能帮助到别人，就下决心发布了。
Twenty-four hours after moving to London from New Zealand,
Tess Lavanda, a 22-year-old living in London, wanted to go out for a cocktail but felt strange going alone. She recorded herself applying makeup while confessing her embarrassment, as a video diary. She wasn't planning to post it, until she watched it back and believed sharing it might help someone.
这条视频截至目前已收获60多万播放量。“聊这么脆弱的心事，却收到这么多积极的反馈，感觉很奇妙。最不可思议的是，有这么多人和我有着一模一样的感受。”
拉万达表示，对着镜头诉说自己的孤独，帮助她克服了社交场合带来的恐惧。
The video has garnered more than 600,000 views since then. "It's been very strange to talk about something so vulnerable and to have such a positive response," she said. "That has been the craziest thing… the amount of people that feel the exact same way as me."
Lavanda said that talking to the camera about her loneliness helped her cope with her fears around social situations.
拉万达回忆，自己从小到大都挺难交到朋友的，而小时候的自己本来觉得长大了就能拥有一切，所以到了成年之后，她开始因为没什么朋友感到巨大的恐慌，觉得自己在“人生赛道”上落后了。
其实，拉万达的这种“没朋友”的生活状态并不是个别现象，越来越多的年轻网友都记录了自己独自生活的片段。TikTok上关于“独处至上（Solomaxxing）”“孤独博主（Loneliness Influencer）”的视频内容越来越多。
独居Vlog爆火
社交媒体截图
萨拉-简・霍德利就是一位人们所说的 “孤独博主”。这一类新兴社交媒体创作者大多为女性，拥抱独居的生活方式。
霍德利住在英国温莎，职业是保洁。几乎每一天，她都会烧水泡速溶咖啡，骑车前往客户家中，之后回到家里，在夜晚温馨地抱着猫咪看电视。就在这些平淡琐碎的瞬间里，她寻得了内心的平静。
Sarah-Jane Hoadley is what some might label a "loneliness influencer" — a rising type of social media creator, usually a woman, who embraces living life alone.
Practically every day, Hoadley, a professional cleaner in Windsor, England, boils water for her instant coffee, bikes to her clients' residences and later returns home, where she spends cozy evenings snuggling with her cat while watching TV. In the mundane moments, she has found peace.
自今年1月发布第一条作品以来，她的视频在多个社交平台累计收获1亿次播放，她也拥有了50万粉丝。
霍德利说：“周五下班到周一上班这段时间，我不会收到任何消息，也没有任何电话打来，不过我并不需要这些。”
"When I leave work on Friday to when I go back on Monday, I don't get WhatsApps. I don't get any phone calls, but I'm not pining for something," Hoadley said.
一些网友认为这类分享孤独日常的博主是在倡导自爱；但也有网友与专家提出批评：在世界卫生组织已经将孤独列为全球公共卫生重点问题的当下，这类内容却在鼓励自我隔绝。
While some social media users believe loneliness creators encourage self-love, some online users and experts criticize them for encouraging isolation amid a time when the World Health Organization has made loneliness a global health priority.
部分专家表示，这种生活方式比大家想象的更加复杂，换个角度看，其中也存在积极的一面。
社交媒体截图
“最重要的是，当事人的生活方式符合自身价值观，我们不必评判这种生活方式的对错。” 临床心理学家劳伦・库克说道。
库克认为，这类内容带来的影响如何，取决于观众是以何种心态观看。
“如果观众从中寻求安宁、慰藉与自我修复，那会是一件好事。” 库克说，“但如果是出于逃避，不愿敞开心扉，不敢去约会、建立新的人际关系…… 那我们就要留意，或许是焦虑导致了这样的选择。”
"What matters most is that the person feels like they're living in alignment with their personal values — and not necessarily for us to say if that lifestyle is right or wrong," said Lauren Cook, a clinical psychologist.
Cook said the impact of the content depends on how viewers are watching it.
"If it's coming from a place of seeking peace and solace and restoration, that can be a great thing," Cook said. "But if it's coming from a place of avoidance or not wanting to be vulnerable, putting ourselves out there with dating or new relationships… then that's something I think where we have to get curious about if anxiety is maybe dictating the narrative at that point."
接纳孤独，告别内耗
虽然“孤独博主”这个词看上去像是鼓吹隔绝，但专家认为，创作者主动接纳这个标签，其实是为了回击外界的非议。
美国杨百翰大学心理学与神经科学教授朱莉安·霍尔特-伦斯塔德博士说，这或许可以减轻大家对于独居体验的污名化与羞耻感，让这种状态被正常看待。
This may be a way "to reduce the stigma and shame around their experience, and to help normalize that", said Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah.
对于没朋友这件事，拉万达一开始也是感到很羞耻的。当其他人问她“周末怎么过的呀”的时候，她会撒谎说“就是和朋友们一起出去玩了呀”。
但在过去一年里，她不断调整心态，尝试一个人去做各种各样的事情，比如外出采购、开着车在城里溜达。
当她越来越主动地独自去做有意义的事情的时候，她也越来越接纳了自己没有朋友这件事，不再将其视为纯粹的弊端和耻辱。
“不必感到难为情，这完全正常。可以培养一些爱好，比如冥想、写作、散步。专注于那些你能做的事，好好享受当下，而不是纠结那些做不到的事。”拉万达说。
"Take up hobbies such as meditation, writing or walking. I think just focus on the things that you can do to enjoy this time rather than the things that you can't do." Lavanda said.
库克表示，这类内容之所以能引发共鸣，是因为它戳中当下很多人的心境。
“如今大家被这类内容打动，或许说明很多人身心疲惫，需要更多休息，社交精力已经透支。”
"Right now, it's speaking to people in a way that is maybe indicative that people are feeling burned out or needing more rest or feeling socially tapped out," Cook said.
视频走红后，拉万达也感到非常意外：“我原本的预期是被批评和霸凌，但网友们的反应其实很正向。人们跟我分享了他们的故事，我才意识到很多人都有同样的感受。”
拉万达表示，网上收获的支持帮她建立起自信。
她说，虽然有些日子孤独感依旧铺天盖地，但学着接纳孤独，而非抗拒它，让她发现生活里依然能找到美好。
Lavanda said that the support she found online has helped grow her confidence.
There are days when the loneliness can still feel overwhelming, she said, but finding ways to embrace it, instead of hating it, helped her realize she could still find the positives in life.
而拉万达的观点让很多网友都感受到灵魂的震颤：
“太阳虽独自高悬，却依然光芒万丈。”
“我从未真正孤独；因为我始终与自己相伴。”
“身处一段关系中却感到孤独，远比单纯的独处更糟糕。”
“没有朋友并不值得炫耀，但懂得如何独处、在孤独中感到自在并享受与自己相伴的时光，却是一种了不起的能力。与错误的人为伍，远不如独自一人来得好；因为错误的人际关系带来的伤害，总比独自生活要大得多。”
临床心理学家库克提出，独处和与人交往之间，需要维持健康的平衡。
“我们希望找到平衡点，人们可以安心独处、享受独处时光；同时，依然愿意与人社交、经营人际关系。”
Cook noted there needs to be a healthy harmony between being by yourself and being with other people.
"We want to find a balance where folks feel at peace being alone and even enjoy that time," she said, "and at the same time still want to socialize with others and still want to have relationships with other people."
来源：21世纪英文报 CNN
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