【老万】新手必读 - 解锁职场密码
老万约 5 分钟年轻人在走上刑场职场的时候，有前辈的指点可以少走不少弯路。不知不觉我已经成了前辈，组里跟我儿子差不多大的小朋友比比皆是。在感恩我遇到过的贵人的同时，也想发挥一下余热，在这里跟小朋友分享一点经验，希望有用。
职场新人首先要对各个岗位有正确的认知。由于我们今天大部分的公司架构都是从西方学的，有必要正本清源，了解各个职位的英文名称来历。
manager：man，名词，人类，不特指男性。age，动词，老化。-er，表示人物的后缀。所以，man ager 就是让别人变老的人。人为牛马，man ager 为挥鞭子赶牛马的人，干活的人老了，他还保养得很年轻。
junior manager：junior，名词，青年。junior man ager，让年轻人变老的人。他们处在挥鞭子的初级阶段，掌管的多是一帮小年轻，故此得名。
senior manager：senior，名词，长者。senior man ager 就是让老员工更衰老的人。他们曾经是 junior man ager，因为把小年轻管得服服帖帖，公司提拔他们去管更老资格的员工。
director：di-，前缀，两个。rect，词干，改正。-or，表示人物的后缀。di-rect-or 就是朝令夕改的人，主意一天两变，让下面的牛马疲于奔命是他们的本色。
vice president：vice，名词，邪恶、不道德。president，总管。邪恶的总管，说得很直白了。就不要指望他们干好事了。
chief executive officer：chief，形容词，主要的。execute，动词，处决、枪毙。executive，execute 的形容词形式。officer，官员。chief executive officer，总刽子手，又叫总裁，他总是裁员。
最后，还有一批干活的人叫 IC。为什么是这个名字呢？因为，面对老板的命令，他们必须无条件执行，只能说“I see! I see!“ 时间长了，大家就习惯把他们叫 IC 了。
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考虑到老万故事会粉丝中并不存在的外国小朋友，我特地和马克吐温先生合作将贴士转成英文，供有志进取的他们汲取。
When a greenhorn sets foot in the professional arena, a bit of steerage can save them from many a muddy ditch. I have found myself, without noticing the years slip by, among the ranks of the ancients. My office is now populated with youngsters no older than my son. As I am grateful for the providential souls who guided me in my youth, I reckon it’s high time I offered up what’s left of my candle-power to light the way for these new recruits.
A fresh recruit must first get their head straight about what various positions actually entail. Seeing as our modern corporate contraptions are mostly borrowed from the Western world, it’s only right we go back to the source and see what these English titles truly signify.
The Manager
Take the Manager. You have "man," meaning humanity at large; "age," the weary process of getting long in the tooth; and that suffix "-er" for the fellow doing the deed. Thus, a Man-ager is simply a person who makes other folk old. While the workers are driven like pack mules and turn grey before their time, the Man-ager stays remarkably well-preserved, holding the whip and watching the clock.
The Junior Manager
Then comes the Junior Man Ager. "Junior Man" for the youth, you see. He is the one assigned to age the youngsters. He is just learning the art of the lash, mostly practicing on a herd of green hands, and that is how he earned the name.
The Senior Manager
As for the Senior Man Ager - a "senior man" being a man of years - her job is to make the old-timers even more decrepit. She was likely a Junior Man Ager once; having broken the spirits of the youths so handily, the company saw fit to promote her to the task of exhausting the veterans.
The Director
Now, consider the Director. "Di-" means two, and "rect" means to set right, as in "rectify". A Di-rect-or is a fellow who "corrects" his own orders twice a day. He changes his mind as often as a weathercock in a gale, keeping the underlings in a perpetual state of breathless confusion. It is his very nature to ensure no one knows which way is north.
The Vice President
"Vice," of course, is the common tongue for wickedness and moral rot. A "Wicked President." It is a refreshingly honest title, all things considered. One would be a fool to expect any charity to come from that quarter.
The Chief Executive Officer
"Chief" means the head; "Execute" means to put a man out of his misery; and "Officer" is just a fancy word for a bureaucrat. He is the Chief Executioner. In some circles, he is called the "President," primarily because his business is presiding over the "pre-siding" (pre-determining whom to push to the side) of the staff - which is to say, he is always looking for someone to ax.
The IC
Lastly, we have the laborers known as ICs. Why such a name? Well, because when the boss barks an order, the worker has no choice but to nod and say, "I see! I see!" After a while, the tongue gets lazy, the spirit gets weary, and everyone just settled on calling them "ICs."
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